Hit Me With Your Best Shot!

Life happens...and sometimes it delivers some serious blows that can truly knock us down. But we don't have to be defeated. Defeat, in my opinion, depends on our attitudes!

So, let me share with you a personal story that has evolved over the past month...well, really over the past year to 18 months. I have minimal Cerebral Palsy. Most of my life, I've walked with a limp which, with the right exercise, was barely noticeable at times. Over the past year or so, my mobility began to sharply decline to the extent that now I have a mobility service dog, who helps me with balance and a myriad of other things. In addition to this, my health began to decline in ways that doctors couldn't pinpoint. The biggest issue I've battled is the EXTREME fatigue and the days when my legs felt like they weighed 8000lbs and just couldn't get going! Now, I'm not nicknamed "The Energizer Bunny" for nothing...because prior to this, I pushed through anything and kept going. But this has been a level of fatigue that I couldn't push through...that literally shut me down. To put this in perspective, many days, it's been all I could do to put in a full days work, come home, cook dinner for myself and clean up afterwards. Still, laundry had to be done, vacuuming and all those other household chores and maintenance...all of which I struggled to get done and was lucky to accomplish even some of them on a regular basis. And let's not forget a family and friends to look after and nurture relationships with.

After all this time, I'm still going strong...just maybe in a different way than I used to. Thankful to have grown up in a Marine Corps family, I learned "Adapt and Overcome" at a VERY early age! I'm blessed to say I work for the Marine Corps now and I'm continuously inspired to Adapt and Overcome as I support the Marines and family members in my unit in various ways. I could have easily given up...thrown in the towel...and filed for disability as many people wanted me to do so I wouldn't have to struggle so much. To be real for a moment, there were times when I seriously thought about it. But, what it boiled down to was the fact that I couldn't look myself in the mirror and in good conscience tell a judge that I was no longer able to work. I would be lying...because there is ALWAYS something I can do! Besides that, I have dreams and goals that I want to achieve in this life and some of those require money to achieve them! So, I set my mind for success and began figuring out what would work for me and for those around me...and I have learned to THRIVE in spite of it all!

About 30 days ago, I had an MRI done on my neck and back. The test picked up something unusual, so I was sent for a pelvic ultrasound which revealed a "pelvic mass" and that was all I was told. Following that was blood work, a CT Scan, more bloodwork and a referral to my OBGYN for more ultrasounds and blood work. THIS time, I was finally told what was going on...that I have a very large tumor in my pelvis and the good news was that it didn't appear to be serious. The bad news was that the actual procedure would be fairly high-risk due to my surgical history. My OBGYN told me that since she had performed surgery on me before, and knew what was going on in that area, that she wasn't comfortable doing the surgery and was referring me to an oncologist who specialized in this type of surgery.

WOW! What a blow! Life just knocked me down...and HARD! So many emotions and faces of people I loved swirled in my head and I instantly became numb. It took a few days for it all to sink in before the tears came and I could acknowledge any level of fear. But after the tears, a peace washed over me and I knew where this peace came from. I am a woman with a very strong faith in my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. I've felt this peace only one other time and it was when I was hit by a drunk driver in 1995. It was what enabled me to relinquish control in order to heal then...and it is what has enabled me to relinquish control now. I walked through the doors of Novant Cancer Center yesterday for the first time, and while I was nervous (and even a little shaky), and EVERY fiber of my being didn't want to be there, I put my shoulders back, walked into that building and prepared for battle...knowing WHO was fighting the biggest part of it for me.

Am I scared? Yes, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't. I almost lost my life once with a similar surgery that was supposed to be "easy peasy"...and SO wasn't. So, my confidence in this procedure is gone...and no amount of reassurance will help that due to my experience. But I have ALL confidence in my Father, who I KNOW has my back. So...knowing that, believing that "the battle belongs to the Lord", I'm suiting up to do my part in this battle. I'm doing those things that bring me peace of mind, ensuring my home is ready for my recovery, ensuring my family is taken care of "just in case"...and I'm staring at an enemy who consistently tries to take me out of the fight and I'm saying...

"HIT ME WITH YOUR BEST SHOT!!! FIRE AWAY!!! Because you are NOT going to win...no matter what!!!"

My spirit is strong, my fight is stronger...and I'm forever grateful to my family and friends who help to keep me that way. To them I say to you...you will never know the depth of my love and appreciation I have for you because there are no words to describe what you mean to me. Thank you for loving me and all my craziness, for supporting me and for being there to help when I couldn't do it myself.

To the Soldiers I started my career serving - thank you just doesn't cut it. You helped me to grow into what I was meant to do. Thank you for being my foundation and my family always and for directing me towards my true home (where my roots are) with the Marines. I will love and continue to serve you always!

To the Marines I serve with every day....and I sure hope you all see this...you will never know how much you inspire me or the ways you contribute to my fighting spirit. You keep me laughing, you love me, you hug me, and most importantly, you actually allow me to genuinely help and support you! Some of the greatest experiences of my life have come through the last 8 years with you and I'm forever grateful!!

Stay tuned for the rest of this journey (and I promise the updates won't be as long as this one! haha!) and thank you for sharing in it. I was asked by a couple of friends to consider blogging about it and after praying about it, I know it was the right thing to do. I have always lived by the belief that our experiences in life, while ultimately strengthen and shape us, are meant to help others, also. So, I have always lived my life being open and honest about myself, my disability, and my experiences in hopes that will help others in some way.

More updates to come before surgery in a few short weeks!

A hero lies in...YOU!

Let's just put it out there...2015 was not kind to me. Was it completely horrible? No. Do I have many things to be grateful for? Of course...and, after all, I survived and I'm still alive and kicking (though, that last word is debateable! Haha!)!! However, it doesn't change the fact that 2015 was rather challenging in many ways. Let's face it...we've all had those years where we felt like life just kept knocking us down, right? The biggest challenge I faced in 2015 was physically. Let me explain.

If you haven't read any of my previous blogs (and it's totally ok if you haven't!), I have very minimal cerebral palsy. I walk with a limp...and with exercise, it's almost unnoticeable. But when I'm not exercising properly, it can be a struggle to move. Think of it like this...my muscles naturally are like a rubber band stretched to capacity. They're super tight all the time. When I exercise and stretch, the tension eases off that "rubber band", but then I have to work harder to strengthen the muscles. When I don't exercise, my muscles simply get tighter. Imagine pushing on that "stretched-to-capacity rubber band" and how difficult it would be to move. That's currently where my body is. Thanks to a myriad of reasons over this past year, my mobility spiraled downward and no one can pinpoint why. This year, I'm focused on reclaiming my mobility and my life, even if it means adjusting to new things. I have actually designated "Fight Song" by Rachel Platten as my personal theme song this year (the "take back my life" song!). I have always had a positive outlook concerning my disability and am very proud of the things I have accomplished in my life that most said I never would be able to do. But there's always ups and downs...and it can be tough to stay in the fight sometimes, especially if we're fighting alone and we just want to go "back to normal". That said, we can't ever go "back to normal" because, honestly, that would mean we'd have to find some kind of time machine, right? So, we must adopt a "new normal". I have said this constantly in my 13 years of work with the military and military families.

Part of my "new normal" came recently when I was traveling for work. I work for the Marine Corps and was traveling with some Marines in my battalion. I had to get wheelchair assistance in the airport as my legs just would not make the journey to the gate. This is not the first time this has happened in my 43 years, but given my independence and stubborness, it is always a gigantic pill to swallow. This time, it was unusually hard for me and I found myself feeling very embarrassed...almost as if I'd let "my" Marines down...that I let myself down...and that I let my Grandpa (my favorite Marine) down. This cloud hung over my head as I was being wheeled to security. Yes, I was feeling sorry for myself instead of recognizing it as a piece of the way I'd always been raised to believe that "I could do anything anybody else could do, I just may have to do it a little differently." Looking back, though, I think some of my emotion came from looks I was given and ways I was talked to...which opened my eyes to a whole new set of issues! Conversation for another day! ;)

What happened next was a life-changing moment for me. When we got to security, there was a man in a wheelchair in front of me. On the back of his chair was a US Army patch and a US Olympic Team patch. I was elated to see this as I knew it would be someone I could most likely relate to in some way, but was SUPER interested in hearing about the Olympic team patch! So...naturally, I initiated conversation. This man is a retired Army Sgt, wounded in combat and an amputee. In a short amount of time...in the security line at the airport...we talked about his service, my service (both for the Marine Corps as well as my community) and our passions for serving, our disabilities and challenges that they bring, but also how we have overcome them. He talked about how he fought "the chair" because "he could walk just fine on his prosthetic", until a couple of years ago when his doctor explained the long-term damage that could cause. Now he sees the strength in using the chair. So...the Olympic team?? Yeah, that's a real thing!! He competes in handcycling...and he's awesome at it!! It's his passion and he had just finished competing in 2 races and was heading home.

I believe paths cross for a reason...and I'm sure he has no clue how he touched my life that day! I was feeling so very low...embarrassed, among other things. That short conversation I had with him truly put the wind back in my wings so I could lift my head and be confident and proud again. Because, you see, I identified with him. Different circumstances, obviously, but similar mindsets. I knew he "got" me...and he knew the same about me. I know his road has not been an easy one - this is true for anyone who lives with disability of any kind - and I know that he probably didn't always have the mentality he does now. But I also know that he got to where he is today by doing the physical and mental work it took to get there...and no one could do that for him. To me, Sgt Anthony Robinson, is a hero! I'm privileged to know many like him...but that day, he was also MY hero because he completely changed my mindset. There is a saying about the "battlefield of the mind"...and that day, he was my "battle buddy", even if he never knew it. My life was blessed that day...in one brief conversation...and for some reason, he said the same! God knows why...and I thank Him for it!

So, please remember when you're interacting with others, that you never know what that other person is going through...and who knows? YOU might be their hero that day.

I was honored to have my picture made with Sgt Anthony Robinson! Thank you for this moment in my life, sir!

The following is an excerpt from the Facebook page of Why I Ride, and the truest example of why I say we have very similar mindsets:

 

The sun is up! The sun is shining bright! (Ode to my Mama!)

For those of you wondering about the title to this post, my Mama used to wake me up every morning with a song that comprised these lyrics:

The sun is up, the sun is shining bright
It chased away, the moon and the stars of night
The birds, the bees, the butterflies
Come a rollicking, joyful frolicking
Hail the day!

I HATED that song when I was a kid/teen!!! Now, looking back on those times, I so wish I could enjoy it once again (sort of! *smile*)!! I look back on those moments and laugh (while cringing! Haha!), but mostly I'm grateful for a mother who cared enough to wake me up every morning with a smile and a positive attitude (despite my grumpiness!)! It's for this reason that I decided to write this blog.

Dear Mama,

I know it wasn't easy raising a child with minimal Cerebral Palsy, but I didn't realize, until I became a Mama, just how much strength that took. You've told me stories about watching me fall and, after ensuring I was OK, making me get myself back up so I could learn how to do it on my own and be independent. First, I finally understand how incredibly HARD that is, especially when it goes against everything you feel inside!! You want to run to your child, pick them up and hold them, and make everything better...but that's not always what's in their best interest. You want to protect your child from the world and everything intent on hurting your child in any way. But, through moments like this, you chose to use them as teaching moments...to shape my thinking into understanding that I could do anything anybody else could, just maybe a little differently. All it took was figuring out what worked for me, and you helped me learn that at an early age. Second, I want you to truly know how grateful I am for that!! That trait alone is what has helped me survive in this world. I've been able to apply that "adapt and overcome" mentality into nearly every area in my life! It may take me awhile to figure out what works for me, so I may be "on the ground" longer than I'd like, but once I figure things out, I get back "on my feet and standing tall". Mama, you taught me the true meaning of unconditional love and the strength that it requires...and I admire you so much for that. It's amazing how much my eyes have been opened since I became a mother!

You taught me how to laugh at life...and even though I may be a little more on the serious side, you taught me that it was OK to be a little crazy too! LOL! The silly songs ("Dem bones gonna rise again!"), the holiday costumes, the "post-nap craziness"...all those things that I didn't seem to appreciate then, I so do now! Honestly, I find myself wishing I could be a little more like you in that way! My friends still remember those things about you! Oh, and how you used to love on my friends! I think sometimes, they loved/appreciated you more than I did (though, I'm ashamed to admit that!). I'm grateful for that and never fully realized the importance of that till I became a mom.

And then there were all the times in the kitchen...cooking/baking/canning. Those were some of my favorite memories and I truly learned from the best! I remember the pecan sandies (and powdered sugar everywhere!), licking the batter bowl, and my favorite was always licking the bowl from your homemade chocolate frosting!! YUM!!!!! (And it still is!!) I remember you teaching me to make fried okra...how you made it with cornmeal and fried it in a cast iron skillet, then baked it in the oven to give it that extra crispiness. That, by the way, was also a favorite!!

You were always there to take care of me when I was sick...from setting up that Devilbiss humidifier in my room, to Vicks Vaporub, making sure I had fresh, cool washcloths on my head, special foods to eat simply because it tasted good to me when I was sick...but most of all, just loving me...always loving me and having the patience of Job through it all.

You gave me my love for music...and some of my most favorite memories are of us singing together. My most favorite of those is singing on the front porch with you playing the guitar. You helped me learn to dance and I fell in love with it!! You encouraged me to try everything that interested me and you helped me through it! I was a cheerleader because you believed in me enough to encourage me to try! I overcame so many obstacles in my life because of your belief in me and because of your support!

Now, that I'm grown and a Mama myself, you're still there...listening, supporting, laughing, praying, keeping a certain favorite food on hand for when I stop by (*smile*), understanding, PRAYING (yes, that warrants repeating!). This list could go on, and I could cite SO many more examples in this blog, but the bottom line is this:

Unconditional love, FAITH, hope, strength, laughter, joy, independence, and a strong belief in our Lord...these are just some of the things you wove into my life and the foundation for who I am. Mama, you gave me the best parts of yourself and nothing I could ever give back could equal that. None of us are perfect and we all make mistakes, but Mama, you're perfect for me, and I'm so glad God chose you to be my Mama.

This Mother's Day, I couldn't think of the "perfect gift"...except the love and gratitude I feel in my heart. So, I decided to honor you in this way and share you with the world. Most of my life, you were content to be "behind the scenes", but Mama, you deserve to be in the spotlight. You truly are the Wind Beneath My Wings and I love you, honestly, with every fiber of my being. Happy Mother's Day!

This is one of my favorite pictures of me and my Mama - taken Christmas 2010, just a few months after her miraculous healing from colon cancer and a massive stroke!! SHE was the best gift I got that Christmas!!

Don't Stop Believin'...hold on to that feelin'!!

Since we recently celebrated Easter/Resurrection Sunday, I can't think of a better time to "resurrect" my blog and to share some of what's been on my heart recently. Easter is slowly becoming my favorite holiday (not quite yet on par with Christmas!) because of the renewed HOPE that fills me,  and gives me a totally fresh outlook on life as I watch new life spring forth all around me (yes, pun intended! Lol). But, mostly, I'm inspired because of what my Savior went through for me, even begging our Father to "let this cup pass from him", at one point. I'm quite sure he was scared at times, and didn't want to be tortured in the way that he knew was inevitable,  yet He still took on all that...for ME, for ALL of us! He experienced immeasurable pain, suffering, and ultimately death in order that you and I could spend eternity with Him. (Talk about ultimate humbling!!) BUT...(and it's a big one!)...He didn't stay there! He rose from the grave...and LIVES today!! THAT excites me more than just about anything!! The grace and mercy he pours out on me daily...I just can't comprehend. But that's the beauty of it...I don't have to because it's a GIFT! All I have to do is accept it. Which brings me to the point of today's blog...

I recently attended a funeral of someone who took his own life. I have struggled over this, at times, wondering if there was something I could've done differently to help. My "big brother" (no blood relation, but family nonetheless) took his life nearly 4 years ago and I still struggle with that at times. I want so desperately for people to understand that taking your life is truly a permanent solution to a temporary problem! Maybe that sounds cliche, but it's something I've experienced to be true. I have struggled with depression in different seasons of my life and I KNOW that while you're in that mindset, it seems like whatever is happening in your life will be that way forever, that there's no end in sight. I also know that it's a real and viscious cycle to get out of. There's no right or wrong solution to this problem...the only thing that matters is what will work for you. For me, I go back to the story of the crucifixion, of THAT pain and suffering, and I'm instantly reminded that there IS light at the end of that proverbial tunnel...and it's proven in the resurrection!! All I have to do is receive/accept it. Psalm 71 has become very fitting for me recently...but specifically verse 14 which says, "as for me, I will always have hope." Does that mean I will never lose my way at times (make bad choices, poor judgment calls, give in to temptations, etc)?? No...absolutely not. I'm human. What it does mean, for me, is that I KNOW that He will guide me back to the path He's laid out for me when I'm ready to accept His guidance. That whole "having faith" thing? Yeah, that's me continuing to put one foot in front of the other to keep moving forward when some days I can't even see where I'm stepping. Some days those steps of faith are leaps and bounds...and other days, tiny baby steps. Either way, I'm still moving forward...and BELIEVING the good things my God has in store for me.

So, I say this to you: HOPE=Hold On, Pain Ends. It's a season...and it's temporary. Do what you need to do to take care of you. Reach out and talk to someone...anyone...that you trust! That light will once again shine through your tunnel...but you have to hold on to HOPE, wherever that may come from...and DON'T STOP BELIEVIN' (hold on to that feelin'!)'!!!

Much love to you all, friends!
Kati

PS - this blog is a work in progress, so bear with me through the changes! I promise it will be worth it! :)

"The Voice of Truth tells me a different story..."

This one may be a tad longer, folks because there's alot to say on this one.

I wasn't going to write anything about this at all, wasn't even going to talk about it. But due to an experience this past week, I felt it was necessary...not just because it's part of "my story", but for my own emotional healing, and to be able to look back on the significance of the moment. I'm going to try and relay the story as best as I can, but to be honest, it's all kind of jumbled together. Many emotions, thoughts, actions...stuff...all happening at once.

So, what was the experience you ask?? I reached my very first mile on a bike at the gym on Jan 2!!! FIRST. MILE. EVER (the next one came on Sunday, Jan 5 via the treadmill)!!! Yes, totally exciting for me! But even bigger was in the getting there.

So, since I've started this journey to the 5K, the actual joints in my feet have started bothering me because of the way I walk, and it can be very painful at times. The treadmill aggravates it, so I've had to limit the instances I'm on the treadmill and find some alternatives. That meant heading to the gym! Ugh....

You have to understand that I'm terrified of going to gyms. I'm super self-conscious and feel monumentally "less than" every time I enter one. BUT, they're the only place that has the kind of bike I can ride (my tailbone has been broken 3 times in my life, so riding a regular bike is out of the question. I have to use the one where you essentially sit in the chair.), so it was time for me to bite the bullet and conquer this fear in order to keep on my journey to the 5k. The gym I chose is open 24/7 and I like that because I can go when no one is there or at "non-peak" times. But, the cool thing is when I went in, I didn't feel judged or anything! Matter of fact, after hearing my reason for coming to the gym, they were cheering for me and giving me ideas of things I could do to help me on my journey. They even let me try some stuff for free to see if it would work for me. Even the other people in the gym seemed nice! As I observed how the staff interacted with the gym members, it really felt very much like a "family". Lots of scores for this gym. (The biggest one though is that my niece teaches there and I'm hoping to take her class soon!) I left the gym that night in tears...not because I was in pain (well, OK...I WAS in pain because I'd just gone a mile on the bike!) but because I had overcome a HUGE fear of mine and it turned out to be a great experience!!! Little by little, the bonds of fear and inadequacy are being stripped away through this single journey!

Finally and probably the most important... up until this moment, NOBODY, including my son, realized the level of pain I've been in daily or how much my mobility had declined. I don't want to worry people with it and I'm really not the type of person to complain about it. As long as I'm still upright and moving, I'm good...and I'm smiling! I'll figure out a way to do what needs to be done. But, remember in the beginning when I was describing my muscles and how tight they were? That they were like a rubber band stretched to capacity ALL the time, and when I exercise, the tension eases while also making my muscles a little weaker?? Can you imagine being that tight ALL the time?? Imagine the tension you feel in your neck and shoulders when you're stressed or even slept wrong...and then imagine that feeling, times 5, across your whole body, but specifically your legs and hips. That's what I live with daily. The longer I go without exercise, the tighter my muscles get (making it SO much easier for me to fall!)...which makes exercise that much harder. It truly is a vicious cycle...and a PAINFUL one...and I've been on a fast track to a wheelchair and just didn't know it. I kept putting everything and everyone before me...even still...thinking "Oh, it's OK this time. I'll suck it up and deal with the consequences later." But the problem is that "this time" leads to another and another and another...and before you know it, weeks and months pass and I'm not moving so good. I don't take pain medicine other than Advil because it knocks me out and that just isn't acceptable to me. So, I find other ways to deal with the pain.

Where am I going with this?? It's certainly not a "woe is me" post...quite the opposite. It's to illustrate that despite the pain and even immobility, at times...despite the fact that when I'm on the treadmill and it burns so bad I just want to give up and quit...despite the fact that I continuously fight the thoughts in my head of quitting, failing, giving up...despite the worry over having the money for some of the therapy needed for my mobility...despite the FEAR of ALL those things, I KEEP GOING!!! Because...the Voice of Truth tells me a different story, says "Do NOT be afraid!" My former SgtMaj once told me that it was no coincidence that I was in the position I'm in, that I was meant to be there. (We had spoken often about how we believed that God places us where we need to be even when we don't realize it) I have been blessed in countless ways in my service to both the Army National Guard and the Marine Corps...but I can honestly say that this particular journey may very well have saved my mobility and maybe even my life. I'm forever grateful for this challenge and it's not just because that the people I work with motivate and inspire me (and push me and won't accept excuses!), it's that they also believe in me, give me hope, and help me believe in myself.

I thank God for the men and women I work with every day, for all the reasons I just mentioned and simply for keeping me laughing, which is the best medicine...for my Mama, Granny and Grandpa who taught me how to push through and that there's "more than one way to skin a cat"!...and finally, for my sons who love me completely and are here to take care of me when I hurt too bad to touch (haha!).

Thank you for sharing in my journey! There's strength in numbers...and when we share our journeys, we find people who can relate in one way or another, and by doing so, offer support. I know this may seem like no big deal to some, but for me, I may as well be climbing Mt. Everest. Yes, I may talk about the pain, but it's only in the lowest of valleys that we appreciate the mountaintops...and let's face it, we all have our valleys! I think the pain may also be a way for my hard-headed self to remember this and not let myself get to this point...EVER again! LOL! This is the biggest physical and mental challenge I've ever taken on...and there's smaller battles I'm fighting daily. I hope that as I share my experience - good, bad, painful, silly - that it can, in some way, help someone else.

Be blessed, y'all! :-)

Learn from yesterday. Live for today. Hope for tomorrow.

HAPPY NEW YEAR, y'all!!!!

I hope each of you had a great time last night bringing in 2014 in whatever way you chose to do so. I hope you were able to be surrounded by friends, family, and loved ones, but if not, I hope that you were enveloped in the warmth of love from those who love you!

Dec 30, I posted my "Facebook Year in Review" on my Facebook page. Basically, it summed up my "20 greatest moments of 2013". If you haven't tried it, maybe you should. It's pretty cool! BUT, it got me to thinking about my past year and honestly, while I have had many trials, bumps, hills, and valleys during my journey through 2013, I have had MANY more "mountain-top moments". Those are the moments when you can look back and understand why the climb to get there was so difficult, or why you had to go through the valley...but ultimately, those "mountain-top moments" are inexplicably amazing and the "view" from that place is like no other. Those are the moments I savor and file away in my memory bank. For it's those moments that help me get through the valleys and the climbs...and over the hills and bumps!

It occurred to me that the common theme in my greatest "mountain-top moments" is LOVE. I am very blessed to be surrounded with lots of it...but I'm even more blessed to be able to share my love with others!! That's the ONE thing that gives me the greatest joy...loving others. I can't imagine life without that. I have said before that I would rather feel too deeply than not at all. Loving with my WHOLE heart means that I get hurt, but it also means that I experience the greatest gifts we are given in this life. If I haven't said it before, I will say it now...I am a Christian and I do have a very strong faith in my God. This didn't happen as a result of teachings from my childhood, or even into my adulthood...it is a direct result of experiences in my life and in my relationship with Him. That is what I believe...that your relationship with God (or your higher power) is just that...YOUR relationship. Purely intimate and purely personal. No one can tell you what that looks like. For me, I know who I have to answer to when my day comes...and as I grow older, my desire to grow that relationship increases. BUT...it's because of that relationship that I have learned what love truly is...not what I once thought was love. Some days, most days actually, I just can't believe that He loves me as much as He does.

Life is short. Too short, it seems, at times. I have lost many people in my "immediate circle", some WAY too soon! My dad died when I was 12. One of my best friends passed not long after he did. I've had friends and loved ones commit suicide or suffer from terminal illness. But through it all...I am blessed to say that we shared the gift of love. Each day is a new day to tell someone what they mean to you. Seize that opportunity because we are not guaranteed tomorrow! I get picked on sometimes for being "overly emotional"...but really, I would rather tell somebody what's on my heart while I have the chance than risk them never knowing. To my friends, family and loved ones who read this - I hope you know how MUCH you are loved and appreciated by me!

Many people kick off the new year with all kinds of new plans and dreams and hopes and ideas...most call those resolutions. While I certainly understand and appreciate that, I honestly have never really done that because life happens...and while you may start out with the best of intentions, life will throw you a curve ball and you may not be able to keep one of those "resolutions". (To be fair, I tried it one year and felt bad about myself when life happened and I couldn't keep one of my "resolutions". So, I vowed never again... lol!) I do get excited to see a new year come in. It marks a new chapter...a new story in our lives. And I DO set goals for myself, my future, and my family. But, really, I try to look at EACH day as a fresh start full of possibilities...to live EACH day to best of my abilities. One of my friends uses the phrase "CARPE DIEM" in his signature block and that means "seize the day". So, while it's a great thing to have goals, both short-term and long-term, don't forget to SEIZE EACH DAY...live it to the fullest. Wake up the next day aiming to be better than the day before. Again, we are not guaranteed tomorrow, so make the most of today.

Learn from yesterday. Live for today. Hope for tomorrow. ~ Albert Einstein

I wish for each of you beautiful moments, treasured memories, and all the blessings a heart can know in 2014!

Every journey begins with a single step...or a really BIG push!!!

Ok, now that you have some background information, how about we talk about the initial reason for this blog? The actual race! The Spartan 5K!

How this race idea came about is rather amusing. See, this is something I've had on my "bucket list" for quite some time...probably because I was told when I was younger that I wouldn't be able to do things like this. And, well, to be perfectly honest, it was HARD! HOWEVER, I used to teach line dance lessons once upon a time and when I was dancing 6 nights a week, you couldn't really tell I walked any differently than anyone else. But, yeah...I'm that girl that will show you I CAN when you tell me I CAN'T. Hahaha!! So, one of the Master Sergeants I work with came into my office about 5 weeks ago and said "Spartan 5K. March 22/23. You in??" I looked at him and said "Are you CRAZY?? I just saw what y'all did with the Tough Mudder this weekend...I can't do that!!" He said, "Yes you can, and I'll tell you why! I watched a man in a wheelchair make it through the Tough Mudder. If he can do THAT, you can do THIS. Besides, I'm gonna be right there with you through the whole thing...and if I have to throw you on my back or walk beside you the whole way, then that's what I'll do. But I promise you that I will get you to the finish line!" It took me a few hours to make the decision to do this, because I knew my road ahead was going to be tough, and quite frankly, I was afraid. I was mostly afraid of failing at this, but I was lovingly reminded that I'll always fail if I never try. THAT was one principle that I was raised on too, and I was encouraged to try everything! Interesting that through this experience, it's bringing me back to my roots.

So - on to training! Keep in mind that I have NEVER stepped foot on a treadmill before, nor have I ever done any form of endurance exercise like walking or running. When I got on the treadmill for the very first time, my goal was 1/4 mile for the first week...and I REACHED my goal!!! My pace was roughly 1.2 mph and I even set it for "rolling hills" knowing that when the race came, I would be dealing with some rolling hills. Lol! But I learned something in the process. This journey was going to be as much of a mental journey as a physical one. Why? Because the entire time I was walking, I had to tell myself "pick your feet up, put your heels down, stand up straight, etc" - things that most people do automatically. These don't come "automatic" for me right now, but if I don't do them, my leg muscles will burn out fast. So, I'm trying to keep up with the treadmill, trying to maintain motivation to keep from quitting (walking is NOT one of my favorite pastimes, just saying!), AND mentally coaching myself while I do it. It's TOUGH! My arms are also getting a workout because I'm having to really hold on to maintain my balance on the treadmill and keep from falling. So - my whole body is sore when I'm through...but surprisingly, I think it's a GOOD thing!!

The plan was to maintain 1/4 mile for a couple of weeks, then move up to a 1/2 mile...then 3/4 mile...and so on. I am currently up to 3/4 mile at a pace of 2mph. It's painful...the actual bones and joints in my feet hurt...some days, really bad. My legs and arms are sore. But, somehow, I seem to be managing well. This past weekend we had drill...and I announced my journey to the Marines during formation. I just wanted to share my excitement with my Marine family after I had made some announcements. They all cheered for me!! I even had a couple ask me if they could be on my team!! When I told them I wasn't doing this to win, only to finish, and that I was probably going to walk the entire thing, they responded with, "That's OK, Ms. Kati. We'll be walking right beside you!" I'm so blessed!!

To think, the people I so greatly admire believe in me so much that they think I can do this...AND they are willing to help me get there. I'm...just incredibly humbled. I don't have any other words. To feel like I'm part of the team is truly the best feeling I could ever ask for! Thank you for the push, MSgt Vest!!

So, as they say at the races, "And away we go!"