3 days left until the big day! Today, my head has been swimming with all the stuff...the loose ends still left to do (including a house to clean!)...the lists that still need writing...have I talked to everyone? Have I said what needs to be said?? Have I said "I love you" enough and ensured the recipients knew it? Have I detailed out everything for work?? What am I missing??
UGH!!! Somebody stop the madness! All these questions and thoughts are making me crazy and I think my brain just might explode!
But, as I stop to think about it...you know what I think is the root of all of this? I am struggling to release control...and I am struggling to accept that there are things beyond my control. Ouch! Let that sink in for a moment. Control. Letting go. It's a tough thing, though...especially when you care so much. Whether it be my family, friends, or my job...my heart is incredibly full...and it's my sole purpose in life at this moment to take care of them all! I'M supposed to be the one taking care of everybody...it's not right for it to be the other way around!! Not at all! So...here I am struggling with "all the feels".
I have been beat up from every angle over the last few weeks, but most especially this past week. Spiritually, mentally, physically, emotionally...yeah, I've battled it. I won't go into details here and, suffice it to say, I'm worn to a frazzle, but I'm still standing! There was talk about delaying my surgery due to a sinus infection, but that won't be happening now. The antibiotics are doing their job! So, even that hasn't gotten me down! (Is it bad to say that I'm actually looking forward to the meds that will make me sleep??? I'M TIRED!!! haha!)
Tomorrow, I say goodbye to some of the staff I've worked with for 2-3 years now. They will be leaving while I'm in recovery and that is a VERY bitter pill to swallow for me. Tomorrow will be tears. But tonight, I must rest and remember that Jesus has this wheel...and He's steering this vessel all through this journey! I have to hold on to my faith in that when all else seems to be chaos. I'm learning huge lessons about faith through this. Sweet dreams, my friends. Tomorrow is another day!
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